


Sacrifices: The Accidental Backstory

by SomedayonBroadway



Series: Sacrifices [2]
Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Backstory, Canon Era, I suppose, could be seen as pre-slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-13
Packaged: 2019-09-16 04:44:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16947243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomedayonBroadway/pseuds/SomedayonBroadway
Summary: He was a lost little boy with no where to go. And he was in my arms. There was only one place I could go. And Spot Conlon would not be happy with me.





	1. Jack

**Author's Note:**

> So this was a complete accident. I definitely had no intention of writing another fic about Jack meeting Race for the first time, but hey, it was fun to write. So I wrote this in Jack's chapter of Sacrifices. But I didn't like the way it fit. So here we are. You don't really have to read that story to understand this one, but I recommend it. ;)
> 
> Anyways, I hope you enjoy this one!

I's was just walkin'. When I was younga', I liked ta go ta the Brooklyn Bridge. I used ta draw there. It calmed me. I liked ta hear the wata' and the birds. It was nice. And that short little Brooklyn twerp was not gonna stop me from bein' there. Stupid kid.

I was goin' home. The boys were waitin'. I didn't like ta keep 'em worried fer too long. They's always wanted every boy home on time. Sparks liked ta lock the doors and he neva' liked ta leave a kid out in the cold. But he would if ya broke his rules. So's I knew I shouldn't be late.

But then I heard it. It wasn't a loud noise. But I's had been on the streets foreva'. My stupid ears heard everythin' durin' the day. And the whimpers that was comin' from a little shack next ta a small house weren't any exception.

I rememba just walkin' to it. Like no matta' what was on the otha' side, I had ta stop that sound. I didn't like that sound. It was helpless and sad. So I was gonna stop it.

I had ta break the lock on the door with a rock. Then I slipped inta the room. That was when I saw him. There was a boy. He had curly blond hair and he was covered in dirt and... blood. I's had seen him before. I knew I's'd seen him before. He was that con that all the boys complained about. The one that would use a sort a' charm and a sob story ta get a few cents outta rich folks. He was good. Not as good as me, but he was good. But I neva' expected ta see him like he was.

The kid was tied up, tight. His hands were ova' his head and his feet could barely touch the floor. He was skinner than I woulda eva' thought. He wasn't wearin' a shirt. I could see every bruise he had on his little chest. He was so tiny. I'll neva' forget how he looked like he ain't ate in days. And there was blood in his hair. He musta been hit on the head. It was weird though. I coulda sworn this kid was livin' like a rich man compared ta us. He got loads a' coins everyday fer his stupid stories that he'd tell. I'm pretty sure he wouldn't even say the whole thing in English. And I's seen him pickin' pockets 'round town. I neva' said nothin', though. Didn't matta' if this kid was stealin' or not. He didn't deserve the Refuge. No one did.

There was a rag in the kid's mouth. He couldn't call fer help. He was the one whimperin'. He musta been hurtin' bad the way he was strung up like that. And I wasn't gonna leave him there. I knew what it was like ta be trapped. Ta be hurt. Ta have no one comin' ta save ya. So's I snuck in. I had ta get him out. No one deserved whatever the kid was gettin' in this stupid little, freezin' cold shack.

When I touched him, he flinched and then his eyes opened up real quick. He had the bluest eyes I's had eva' seen. And they were terrified. But when he saw me, he froze. He was confused that I was there. It was like he neva' saw anotha' kid in that room in his life. I got the gag outta his mouth and he started speakin'.

"Uscire da qui ora, o ti prenderanno anche voi!" I didn't understand a word. But the poor kid was panickin'. I knew that much. So I put my hands on both side a' his face and held him still.

"Sh! Kid, calm down!" He didn't. Just kept fightin' against the ropes around his wrists and yellin' at me in a different language I neva' understood. "Hey! I'm gonna help ya! I'm gettin' ya outta here!"

I will neva' forget the way that little kid looked at me. Like it was the first time in his life he'd eva' heard someone talk about lettin' him outta there. "O... out?" His voice was rough and small. I nodded to him.

"Yeah, kid... I'm gettin' ya out." I grabbed a knife from the otha' side a' the room and sliced through the ropes. The little boy fell inta me and I could barely catch him. But I did. And I could hear him tryin' ta catch his breath while his head was on my chest. I was sure he was cryin'. And I didn't blame him. Whateva' was happenin' ta him looked like hell. And he needed out of it.

"Th-thank... you..." From what I's could tell, this kid didn't know English too good. But it didn't matta'. He buried his face in my shirt and held onta it like if he let go, I'd disappear. I rubbed his back while he cried. He was shakin' so hard and he wouldn't let go a' me fer nothin'.

I tried ta talk ta him. He neva' said a thing back. Just kept on cryin'. I asked him questions but he just sobbed onta me. So's I gave up.

"Cmon, kid." He was hurt. I wasn't about ta let him walk all the way back ta Lodgin' House like that. So I picked him up. He was so small I's could carry him around like the youngest kid in the newsies. Romeo. His head was on my shoulder and I held him unda' his knees. "I'm gonna take ya home, yeah? Gonna get ya some food and wata'. And I'm gonna find ya a bed. It's gonna be okay." The kid just kept on cryin'. I wasn't sure he understood what I said, but he seemed ta trust me, so I didn't let him go.

This kid was clearly beaten inta doin' somethin'. I didn't know how long he'd been there and I didn't care. All I knew was, he was gettin' out.

"What's this?" I didn't even know anyone came in. I didn't hear the door open. I was too focused on the kid in my arms. But he just cried harda' when the person behind me started talkin'. I looked up ta see a man. He was 'round twenty years old. He had evil grey eyes and dark black hair. "What the hell do ya think you're doin'?" He had an Irish accent. It was strong. So was the smell a' smoke. And I felt the kid tense up.

"Johnny...?" I heard the kid whisper. His voice was shakin'. "J-Johnny... mmh... I didn't mean ta-"

"What did I tell ya about talkin', Higgins?!" His voice was so loud and he raised up his fist.

The kid screamed and held onta me tighta'. "Per favore! Per favore! Non farlo! Non di nuovo!"

The man stomped ova' to us. The kid flinched and curled in on himself. I didn't move. He didn't scare me. Not much did. But he didn't like that too much. "What the hell are ya doin' here, street rat?"

Street rat. I ain't no rat. I don't sleep in the garbage. I's scoffed. I didn't care that he raised up his hand like he was ready ta hit me. I just ran fer it. Anythin' ta get this kid outta there. But he grabbed the back a' my shirt and stopped me from takin' off. I held the kid tighter and turned ta meet the angry man.

"What were ya doin' ta him?!" I was yellin'. I was doin' all I could do ta get anyone's attention. But no one cared.

"Don't matta'. He belongs ta me and my crew. Our best money maka'." He smirked. "Tells a hell of a story."

Oh. A crew. That's this guy's way of sayin' gang. And this beaten kid needed outta there. Fast. "Not anymore." I wasn't givin' up. The blue eyes that were starin' at me wouldn't let me. God, he was terrified.

"Oh, why's that?" I had an idea. It was a long shot. But it was betta' than nothin'.

"Cause I's got some friends from Brooklyn. Spot Conlon. Eva' heard of him?" That stupid kid actually might save my ass tanight. Save this kid's life. He'd been talkin' bout bein' the toughest newsie in New York fer years. Don't let me down this time, Spottie.

The man laughed. "Spot? Don't sound like much." But I knew how ta spin a story. And I could make even Spot Conlon sound like the strongest kid in all New York.

I laughed. I started spinnin' somethin' on the first thing my eyes saw. "Ya know why they's named him Spot?" I glanced back down at the knife I used ta free the shakin' kid. Poor boy was holdin' onta me so tight. Then I's looked up at the man. I gave him the best glare I had. I was only nine and the man took a step back. What a laugh. "He don't eva' miss." I took anotha' step closa' ta him and smirked. "And if ya don't want me settin' him and his boys off on ya, ya better let us leave."

The man choked outta laugh. "You's lyin'. He's just a stupid kid. Now put my pet down and maybe I'll forget this eva' happened."

No way in hell. This kid hadn't eaten in days. He was soaked, probably only a few minutes 'fore I's found him. I was not about ta leave him here. No way. "Brooklyn ain't the place ya wanna be messin' with mista'." I just let my mouth keep runnin'. I didn't exactly know how ta stop it. "Spot's gotta crew. His boys don't ask questions. And they's don't go easy on _no one_. Not even a little goil like you."

I rememba' him growlin' at me. Like he was about ta swallow me whole. But then he stopped. He lit a cigar and turned 'round ta do it. So's I grabbed the knife and I threw it. Went right ova' his head. I ran fer my life afta' that and the kid held onta me tighta' than anyone else eva' had.

Spot Conlon would thank me for the rest a' his life. As far as the world would know afta' that night, he was the toughest newsie in all New York. Hell, even the poor kid in my arms was givin' me a scared look when I talked about the futa' king a' Brooklyn just cause a' the tone in my voice.

I saved a boy that night. He was terrified. He wasn't sure where we was goin' or who I was. But I saved his life and I didn't even know it till lata'. Till he'd tell me why he was there and why he was so scared a' that stupid gang.

I rememba' walkin' out in the dark. The kid from the shack was snuggled up against my chest. He was tryin' ta stop shakin'. I didn't know if he was shiverin' from the cold er shakin' cause he hadn't eaten in foreva'. But I knew it was late. No way the door would be unlocked. No way Sparks would let me in now. Not even with the kid. He was too scared a' the bulls comin' in, searchin' the place.

I knew where ta go. Only one place I coulda gone. So's I made my way back ta the bridge. The kid hadn't said a word. He just let me carry him. He didn't want me ta let him go. I was sure he was two or three years younga' than me. He had ta be. He was so small. And he was so light. I's had been carryin' him for a while and I wasn't even tired. But I found out a little later, he was eight years old. Only one year younga' than me. It just couldn't be...

His head was too heavy for him ta hold up. He had ta lay it down on my shoulder. His arms were crossed ova' his chest while he shivered, tryin' ta keep himself warm. The only thing my nine year old brain coulda thought ta do was talk ta the poor kid.

"Ya got a name, kid?" I saw his little head workin' so hard ta understand. He looked up at me and he was so confused. I felt terrible fer him. But I just kept on talkin'. "I'm Jack. Jack Kelly."

The kid made a noise, like he was makin' sure his voice still worked. "J-Jack?" He was askin' me what I meant. I knew it.

"Me name. Jack." I sounded it out fer him, hopin' he'd understand. And he repeated it.

"J... Ja-ck." I smiled at him and kept walkin'.

"That's right, kid." That was the first time I saw him smile. And he kept on tryin' ta talk ta me.

He pointed to himself. "N-name, Tony." I laughed.

"Tony. Tony Higgins," I repeated, rememberin' what that otha' guy... Johnny, had called the kid. "It's nice ta meet ya, pal."

"Dove stiamo andan... mmh... wh-where?" The kid made me feel terrible fer ignorin' him fer all these months he'd been around. He could barely even communicate. I have no idea how he got around tellin' all these stories in English. They must've been rehearsed.

"I'm takin' ya to a friend's place tanight. Tomorrow, I's can take ta home and you can meet the rest a' my boys." He nodded. He must've understood some of it.

I shoved the door open to the Brooklyn boys' Lodgin' House. They wasn't that big. I wasn't scared of them. I found Spot as quick as I's could. I didn't care that everyone was starin' at us. I just made it ta Spot.

"The hell is this, Kelly?" Spot demanded. He was playin' cards. Winnin', probably. But I just rolled my eyes. And jerked my head in the direction of the bunk rooms.

When we made it there, I tried ta set the boy down, but he held my shirt in a death grip. "No! Please!" I was shocked when he started beggin' in English for me not ta let him go. So I didn't. He was scared a' this Spot fer some reason. It couldn't be because a' that damn story. But I just held him close and started talkin'.

"I found him. One a' the gangs had him. He's beat bad, Spot. And Sparks ain't gonna let us in at this time a' night."

Spot crossed his arms. "Are ya askin' me ta let ya stay here?" It was a long shot. I knew it. The Brooklyn boys didn't like it when a 'Hatten boy was on their turf. But the kid needed some place ta stay. Plus, I just told a hell of a' story. He owed me.

"Not me. Him." I didn't care if he let me stay inside. But this little boy needed ta get warma'. He was still freezin'.

Spot looked down at him. His eyes widened when he saw the bruises all ova' him. I ain't eva' seen Conlon like that. "The gangs had him?" I nodded. Spot knew somethin'. He had to. So I waited fer him ta tell me. "We have a boy here who says he's gotta brotha who was taken by a gang. Said they's use 'em ta get more money. Make 'em go out tellin' sob stories and gettin' cash howeva' they could. If they don't get 'nough cash, they's don't eat." Brooklyn sighed and scratched his head. "They's get soaked real bad too."

That musta been why the kid was so small. And so hurt. And maybe why I ain't seen him in a while. But how much was enough? How much was the kid supposed ta be makin'?

"What's his name?" I was confused at the question fer a minute. I was too busy starin' down at the kid who was fallin' asleep in my arms.

"Says it's Tony. Tony Higgins."

Spot made a face. He didn't like it. "Kid needs a new name. He needs a newsie name. Tony don't suit him."

I's was thinkin' the same thing. Not that I'd eva' tell Spot that. But he kept on askin' questions. "What's he like?"

I shook my head and shrugged. "Don't know... he don't speak English too good."

Spot looked back down at the kid. He didn't seem ta respond at all. He musta been too tired. He was lookin' straight at my chest. His eyes were barely stay in' open. But Spot nodded ova' to a bunk. "Set him down fer a minute." I just did what he said. There was no point in arguin'.

The kid still held my shirt real tight. I set him down and still held him in my lap. He didn't want me ta let go. It was like if he let go he'd wake up from a dream. But it was okay. I understood.

"Do ya want a shirt, kid?" I was shocked when Spot even asked. I assumed he wouldn't care. But fer some reason, he actually wanted ta help the kid.

The boy looked up at him with a confused look on his little face. "Sh... shir...?"

How? How could the kid a' made it this far tellin' stories? He didn't know the simplest things.

Spot took the kid's hand and the kid gasped in surprise, but he let Brooklyn hold his wrist and guide his hand ta his own chest. "Sh-ir-t." He sounded out the word and let Tony ball up his hand in his own shirt. I ain't neva' seen nothin' like it. Spot neva' let anyone close ta him. He liked ta keep ta hisself. Didn't like it when people saw him care bout somethin'.

Tony made a hummin' noise and then looked up at Spot again. "Sh... shir-t..." That mighta been the first time I's had eva' seen Spot Conlon smile.

"Not bad, kid." He ruffled Tony's hair. The kid laughed and it may have been the lightest, happiest thing I's have eva' heard. "I'll go get'cha one."

The kid looked down at his chest. It's like he didn't even notice that he was freezin' cold without a shirt on. That was when he actually saw the bruises on his chest. The cuts on his stomach. The hand prints on his arms. The cigarette burns on his shoulders. The poor kid lost his smile.

I missed it already. He was too innocent fer this. The kid's laugh made _Spot Conlon_ smile! I wanted it back. But then I saw the kid take his tiny hand and put it ova' a bruise that looked too much like a hand on his shoudla'. He winced when he touched it but he didn't move his hand. "Ero cattivo... b-bad..." He musta been tryin' ta explain it ta me. The bruise was too big fer the boy. His little hand only reached over half of it. "Non abbastanza... n-not... e... e..." He was tryin' ta rememba the word. Poor kid was thinkin' so hard. "Enough." Enough. Not enough.

I knew I only known him fer an hour. I knew he was just a lost kid I knew nothin' about but suddenly he was apart a' me. _Not enough_. Not enough my ass. This kid was everythin' and I was gonna teach him that.

Spot came back with a shirt. An old one a' his. I ain't neva' known Brooklyn ta care so much. Eva'. But he helped Tony sit up. He helped slip him inta the long sleeve shirt. And then somethin' else happened.

"This was my first one..." Spot pulled a cap outta his pocket. "I figure ya need it more than I do."

Tony didn't understand a word. But he let Spot snug the cap ova' his curly hair and smiled 'fore he leaned back inta me.

"You's a newsie now, kid." Oh what was happenin'? Who was this kid in front a' me? It couldn't a' been Spot. "Ya need ta look like one."

"Newsie?" I smiled down at him and knocked the cap ova' his eyes like I did ta all my boys.

"That's right, pal." When he giggled it was like the world was brighta'. He took the cap off a' his head and looked down at it and his smile was so big. Then he hummed again and I's knew he had more ta say.

"Proprio come... Crutch... Crutchie? Specs?... mmh... Al... Albert?" I looked ova' at Spot. He was just as shocked as me. This kid... he knew my boys.

"Those... those are my friends... ya know 'em?" The kid shook his head.

"Uhm... sees 'em. Them... them h-happy. A volte... them try ta... talk ta me..." I was shocked. None of my boys had eva' told me they's talked ta him. Why would they do that? But Tony started ta lose his smile again and I looked ova' ta Spot again and Brooklyn shook his head and shrugged. "I... not allowed... La gente avrebbe trovato Johnny... couldn't do it..."

Some of his words rolled off his tongue and some other ones would be so hard for him to rememba' and I just wanted ta be able ta understand him. Or him ta understand me. I was gonna help him undastand. But this poor kid... it took all of his little head ta figure out how to talk ta us.

"Well you ain't there anymore." Spot smiled and ruffled the kid's hair again, but this time he noticed the blood that was there. His hand was red. But he didn't care. "Do ya undastand? You ain't gettin' taken back there. You's a newsie now."

Tony gave Spot a look. But he nodded. "... P... Per... Pertect?" _Protect_.

"Yeah kid... no ones gonna hurt ya no more." I saw the kid nod. His head was gettin' heavier. He musta been real tired. And me and Spot sat there till he was asleep. Then I looked up at Spot.

"Alright Spottie, why are ya actin' like ya care so much?" Spot rolled his eyes and stood up.

"What's it ta you, Kelly?" There was the Spot Conlon I knew. Closed off and not sorry 'bout it. I slipped out from unda' the new kid and made sure he wasn't gonna wake up 'fore I walked up ta Spot. He glared at me.

"Ya tell me er I'll tell the everyone why ya really got your name." It was an empty threat. He knew I didn't mean it, but I was one a' the only ones who knew he got his name cause he followed Nick 'round like a puppy when he first got ta the Brooklyn Lodgin' House. The leader thought it was hilarious.

If looks could kill... "You tell anyone and I'll soak ya good!" I laughed and crossed my arms. But he sighed and leaned back 'gainst the wall. "It was my brotha'," he said. "He's gone now 'cause a' the damn gangs."

I had no idea. He neva' told me that. We might not a' been the best a' friends, but I thought I knew him. I was wrong.

"Spot I-"

"I don't need your pity, Kelly. Just don't let 'em get him back." Neva'. I would neva' let them gangs get him back. This kid was too innocent. And me and Spot made the first deal we eva' made. It was the first deal in a long line a' deals. "I'll let ya stay here tanight if ya let me look out fer him too."

And all I could say was yes. And that kid slept on my lap that night. The next day I took him back ta 'Hattan. I had ta carry him on my back. Kid was too weak ta walk anywhere. But he gave it his best shot fer a few blocks 'fore his legs stopped workin'.

We had ta pass the tracks when we walked back. It was gonna get us there faster. I's was helpin' him point at things and say 'em in English. He was smilin' and wearin' that old newsie cap that Spot gave him. I don't think I has eva' seen a happier kid. And when he saw those horses, jeez, he was so happy. "Cavalli!" I saw what the kid was pointin' at. A horse. It was a fast one. So's I let him sit and watch it. It won. He was smilin' so much. And I knew what ta call him.

"Tony... ya want a newsie name?" The kid nodded his head. I just laughed.

"I's'll call ya Racetrack. Race fer short." He scrunched up his eyebrows and tilted his head. He didn't know what it meant. So's I pointed ta the tracks. "Racetrack."

The boy looked ova' at all the horses. "R... Racer... Race... track?"

"That's right. Its you's new name. A newsie name. Racetrack Higgins." I named a lot a' the boys. But givin' Race his nick mighta been the best one I's eva' did.

"Race..." It sounded perfect. He liked it too. I's could tell. And I didn't expect him ta jump up and wrap his tiny arms around me. The kid was somethin' else.

I got him home, eventually. This time, he was up on my back. His chin was on my shoulda'. He didn't know what ta do when every boy turned and stared at us. It had been a whole day since I's had been home. Crutchie ran up ta me and gave me a hug. And Sparks was not happy.

"Jack Kelly, where the hell have ya been?!" But he stopped stompin' up ta me when he saw Race. He musta' seen the bruises on the kid's neck and his face. The blood in his hair. The way his eyes could barely stay open. "Who's this?"

I smiled. I could feel the kid holdin' onta me tighta'. He didn't like all the eyes on him. He didn't like that everyone was askin' questions. But I knew everyone would love him. They had to. "It's Racetrack. He's our newest newsie now!" I was so proud a' myself fer gettin' Race there. Kid mighta been dead otha' wise. And I can't bear the thought.

"Hey! That's the kid who steals all ours customers." Oh, Al. Race was already shakin'. But the other boy walked up ta us. I could hear Race whimper. "What's wrong with him?" I just rolled my eyes.

"He's scared. Don't speak English real good."

"Is he okay?" Crutchie. The kid was so innocent. It made me melt inside.

"He is now." He is now. He was okay. "Gangs had him. He was their pet." It was the only word I's could think of ta describe it. Kept in a cage. Used when they's needed him. Beaten if he did somethin' wrong.

Sparks smiled at the kid. I put him down so's he could lean on me. Poor kid was still so tired. But I put my arms around him and he leaned inta my chest. Sparks got on his knees in fronta us. "Well Racer, welcome ta 'Hattan." Sparks spit in his hand and held it out fer the kid ta shake. But Race backed up inta me when Sparks put a hand in fronta him. "It's okay, pal. I ain't gonna hurt ya." Race didn't move. He just stared down at the hand. And then I looked up at Sparks. He was thinkin' real hard. "It's okay, kid... é sicuro."

I didn't know what it meant. But Racer sure did. His eyes widened in surprise when Sparks started speakin' his language. His grip on my shirt loosened a little. "Sicuro?"

Sparks nodded. "Yeah kid, safe. It's _safe_."

Race looked at the hand again. Everyone was starin' at him, waitin' fer him ta do somethin'. But he didn't seem ta notice this time. He stood on his own fer the first time. And Sparks still was squattin' down in fronta him. So Race spit in his hand and shook the one that was in front of him.

That was Racer's first day as our brotha'. The next day was the day he beat Al at poka'. A few days afta' that, the Delanceys went afta' him and they had their first banter. And then Spot came ta visit him.

The story I spun had gotten outta hand. Everyone thought the great Spot Conlon was a kid who could throw a knife at any target. A little lata' people thought he was the strongest kid in the world and he could make people sorry fer crossin' him with his bare hands. But I knew the truth.

But none a' that mattered. All that mattered was another smile on a kid's face. He was alive and he had a life ta live. And everythin' would be okay.

So that night when he laid down on my lap ta go ta sleep, I whispered ta him. "Goodnight, Racer. You're safe now. And I won't eva' hurt ya."

Neva'.


	2. Spot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I was gonna kill him. Jack Kelly. He just shows up like he owns the place. Damn ‘Hattans. Think they’s can do whatever they want.

"Scram punk!"

I always chased away that stupid 'Hattan kid. He was always there on my bridge, on my turf, scribblin' on a dumb piece a' paper. He just rolled his eyes at me and walked away. I was satisfied. At least, fer the moment. I would be till I saw his arrogant face again, at least.

Then I just walked back. It was dark and gettin' colda. Nick neva' wanted me out anyways. He always told me how a scrawny kid like me wouldn't survive outside after the sun went down. I always rolled my eyes.

Someday it'd be different. They's didn't think I could handle Brooklyn. None of 'em. They's was wrong. They's always made fun a' me fer comin' ta Brooklyn at all. But I was tougher than they's thought. I ain't weak. And I ain't soft. Someday I's was gonna rule Brooklyn. And my boys would be the best a' the best. Then they'd see.

I walked in and they's was playin' cards. Nick walked up ta me all high and mighty, like I's was scared a' him er somethin'. "I told ya not ta be out there now! You'll get hurt out there by yourself!" I didn't say nothin'. I just kept walkin'. I's could take care a' myself. I had fer a long time. Eva' since Mark... eva' since I lost Mark... but I was fine. I could handle myself.

"Don't walk away from me, Conlon!" He grabbed my arm. I didn't care. He thought he was so scary. I ain't eva' been scared a' him. It was all just an act. And I knew it. So's I ripped my arm away from him.

"Lay off, Nick!" And I went ova' ta the table. They's was just finishin' a round. So I pulled up a chair and sat up straight. I ain't no moron. I is short. But I don't care. Just cause I's smalla' than them don't mean I can't play poka'. "Deal me in."

They's laughed at me.

"The wimp thinks he's gonna play poka'?"

"Good luck, kid!"

"Get lost, ya lousy-"

I's pounded my fist on the table. It was loud. Sure made them all shut up. I was nine. Little, fer sure, but I's could always get them ya shut up. "Deal. Me. In." So they did.

I was dealt a good hand. I had that game in the bag. I's glared at some of 'em and they's put their cards down and left the table. I coulda won. It was just me and two otha guys before the door swung open.

He care straight fer me. It was that 'Hattan kid. Jack. Jack Kelly. Damn it.

I's ain't close ta no one. No one knows me. I like it that way. But damn it, that kid always had a way a' gettin' me ta talk ta him. Sure, I's chase him away from the bridge everyday, but that don't mean we ain't at least a little bit nice ta each otha'. After all, he's the only guy that believes I belong in Brooklyn.

"The hell is this, Kelly?"

I shoulda waited. I didn't see that the thing in his arms wasn't a thing. It was a kid. I swear he was only six er seven. He was so little. But I's was wrong. He was only a year younga' than me. But he was so small.

Kelly didn't answer me. Just nodded toward the bedrooms. _Damn it._ I was about ta win. But somethin' 'bout those kids eyes... they looked up at me. He was so scared. I couldn't just leave him like that.

I was nine. I ain't soft.

I saw Jack try ta put him down. "No! Please!" He held onta Jack real tight. He was so small. So helpless. It reminded me a' somethin'.

_"No! Please! Charlie!"_

Mark...

I could see 'em draggin' him away. I could feel 'em holdin' me down. My big brotha'. He was only two years olda, but he always wanted ta protect me.

God, they were s'posed ta take me... not Mark. Damn it, Mark! Why did he have ta do that?

The kid looked so scared. I couldn't help but feel bad fer him. He just reminded me a' him. I couldn't kick 'em out like that.

"I found him. One a' the gangs had him." Damn those stupid gangs. Now I was really stuck. "He's beat bad, Spot. And Sparks ain't gonna let us in at this time a' night."

Sparks. What a scared, soft, bastard of a leader. He didn't let his boys in at night cause he was too scared the bulls were afta' him. Man up.

But I crossed my arms. Kelly was asking a lot. "Are ya askin' me ta let ya stay here?" He shouldn't be askin' such a stupid question. He knows how closed off Brooklyn is. He knows we don't like 'Hatteners on our turf. But Jack shook his head.

"Not me. Him." I ain't gonna lie, that sentence shocked me a little. Jack said he just found this kid. He was willing to sleep on the streets and leave him in the Brooklyn house so's he could have a warma' place ta sleep. So I's stepped closa' ta them.

The kid was shakin'. He was holdin' onta Jack so tight cause it was so damn cold and he musta been scared outta his mind. Then I saw everythin' else. I saw the bruises all ova' him. God, they were everywhere. How could a boy so small have taken that much abuse? I was surprised he wasn't dead by then. I saw the blood that was ova' his tiny chest. It looked dried up and all I could do was let my stupid memories start playin' 'round in my head. "The gangs had him?"

_"Take the little one! He'll get us money fer sure!"_

_I couldn't help but scream when they grabbed me. I was only six. My pa thought it was a good idea ta steal money from a gang. Idiot._

_"No!"_

_I wished Mark had shut up. "Take me!" God, Mark... why is he so stupid!_

_"Mark! Ti amo!" I rememba' screamin' in my folks language. Me and my brotha' always did. I missed it..._

_"Take me instead! Lasci il mio fratellino!"_

_They did. They listened ta him. And when they's started draggin' him away, he screamed fer me._

_"No! Please! Charlie!" And everythin' went black._

"We have a boy here who says he's gotta brotha who was taken by a gang." They didn't need ta know it was me. "Said they's use 'em ta get more money. Make 'em go out tellin' sob stories and gettin' cash howeva' they could. If they don't get 'nough cash, they's don't eat." Mark starved ta death six months afta' they took him. I saw him a week before that, beggin' fer money or anythin'. I didn't even... he couldn't even recognize me. I hid the look on my face when I looked ta the ground and scratched the back a' my head. "They's get soaked real bad too."

Obviously. This little kid was beaten senseless by the looks of it. And he looked like he couldn't even stay awake fer us. The damn thing's eyes were so blue and they were so tired and all I could do was ask more questions. "What's his name?"

Kelly looked confused fer a minute. I didn't blame him. I shouldn'ta cared what the kid's name was. But I couldn't help it. I ain't soft... but this kid... he needed help.

"Says it's Tony. Tony Higgins." I looked down at the kid again. He looked too innocent fer a name like that. It didn't fit him.

"Kid needs a new name. He needs a newsie name. Tony don't suit him." The kid didn't even look like he could hear us. He was tryin' ta stay awake, but he couldn't. "What's he like?"

Kelly shook his head and shrugged his shouldas. "Don't know... he don't speak English too good." How did this kid not speak English? The gangs made their prisoners tell stories and beg for money and he didn't even know English? Lord...

"Set him down fer a minute." I nodded to a bunk. _My_ bunk. If any a' the otha' boy's found out about this...

Jack sat down on my bed. He still held the kid like a baby in his arms. Tony didn't seem to care that he was bein' held like that. He just held onta him really tight. Wouldn't let go fer nothin'. And he was still shakin'. He musta been freezin'. And he still hadn't said a word. So I did somethin' I shoulda neva' done. I offered him somethin'. "Do ya want a shirt, kid?"

Those blue eyes found me and I regretted the question. He was reelin' me in. He had ta know what he was doin'. He looked confused. Then I remembad he didn't speak English. "Sh... shir...?"

Oh my God this kid couldn't even undastand the simplest things. He was gonna learn. I was gonna help him. I didn't know why but I was gonna do it.

I grabbed the boy's hand. He gasped and... I ain't soft... but I felt my heart hurt. He didn't deserve ta be so scared. I held his hand ta my chest. "Sh-ir-t." The kid looked up at me, like he was shocked. Then he looked back down and started ta grab at my shirt.

He hummed. It was like he was tryin' ta make sure we wouldn't hurt him fer makin' noise. I hated it. Then he started ta talk. "Sh... shir-t..." I don't know why I smiled. This kid... he had a hold on me. He was too young ta go through so much.

"Not bad, kid." I ruffled his hair and he laughed. God, how could he still be so sweet and innocent. That laugh was like bells. It could make anyone smile. So I ignore the dumb look on Kelly's face. "I'll go get'cha one."

I left 'em on my bed. What the hell was wrong with me? I needed ta get myself togetha'. Someday, I's would be the strongest newsie in New York. I couldn't waste my time with a... who was I kiddin'. I's had known this kid fer a few minutes and he already had me wrapped 'round his finga'. Now Brooklyn would really be lookin' down on me.

I found one a' my old shirts. Should keep the kid warm fer the time bein'. Even if it was too big fer him. I wanted ta find him some food. Anythin' so he wouldn't be so small no more. I took the shirt and then I saw somethin' else in the box a' old things ova' by Nick's bed. It was an old cap. _My_ old cap. My _first_ cap. The one that Nick hisself gave ta me.

As much as I didn't like that Nick smothered me like I was some helpless baby, he always told the group to lay off. He always made them stop makin' fun a' me. And he gave me this cap on my first day. But I didn't need it no more.

I walked back ta the 'Hattan kids. I sat back down and looked at the boy. He was snuggled up to Jack. His hand was ova' a bruise on him shoulder. He was so small.

I pulled him up. I was careful. I didn't want ta hurt him more. I helped him slid inta the shirt. He groaned when I let him sit back into Jack. Like he was relieved he didn't have ta hold hisself up no more. Then I pulled the cap outta my pocket.

"This was my first one..." I held it in my hands. I looked down at it one more time. "I figure ya need it more than I do."

It didn't look like he knew what I was sayin'. But I pulled the cap ova' his curls. And then the kid completely relaxed back inta Jack. "You's a newsie now, kid. Ya need ta look like one."

I saw the curious look in his eyes. "Newsie?"

Jack smiled and knocked the cap down ova' his eyes. I's had seen him do it before ta a lot a' his boys. "That's right, pal."

He giggled. This kid who had been beaten and starved fer years started ta laugh. It was so innocent. He took the cap off his head and hummed again. "Proprio come... Crutch... Crutchie? Specs?... mmh... Al... Albert?" _Proprio come..._ This kid spoke Italian. He spoke the only otha' language I know.

I looked up at Jack. He was shocked. Those names sounded familiar. They musta been his boys. How on earth did the kid know 'em?

"Those... those are my friends... ya know 'em?" Jack's voice was scared. I didn't really know why. But the kid shook his head.

"Uhm... sees 'em. Them... them h-happy. A volte... them try ta... talk ta me..." Jack didn't know that. I could tell. I shrugged. I didn't know why no one would tell Jack that they's tried ta talk ta him. "I... not allowed... La gente avrebbe trovato Johnny... couldn't do it..." _Johnny_. It was a name I wouldn't eva' forget. The man who did it. The man who hurt a boy that became one of my only friends. My _best_ friend.

"Well you ain't there anymore." I ran a hand through his hair. That was when I could see the blood in it. It was all ova' my hand. But I didn't care. "Do ya undastand? You ain't gettin' taken back there. You's a newsie now."

He looked at me. He didn't completely undastand. But he gave me a short nod. "... P... Per... Pertect?"

_Yes. Yes kid! I'll protect ya. No more a' this. You's a newsie now._

"Yeah kid... no ones gonna hurt ya no more." Jack cradled the kid to him. He was fallin' asleep. So we waited till he did and then Jack look he up at me.

"Alright Spottie, why are ya actin' like ya care so much?" I hated it when Jack called me that. We's known each otha' fer years. He knew how ta tick me off. So I rolled my eyes and stood up.

"What's it ta you, Kelly?" It slipped out before I could stop it. But I didn't care. I sounded like myself. But Kelly slipped out from the boy, leavin' him layin' on my pillow. I glared at him.

"Ya tell me er I'll tell the everyone why ya really got your name." I hate that kid. Just cause I stuck close ta Nick don't mean I'm some kinda puppy! I don't even know how Kelly knew 'bout that. Musta told him 'bout it one a' those nights on the bridge when I's was too tired ta shoo him away.

"You tell anyone and I'll soak ya good!" He laughed and crossed his arms. I sighed. I don't know why I tell him things. I just can't help it. I leaned 'gainst the wall. "It was my brotha'." I'm an idiot. "He's gone now 'cause a' the damn gangs." I shouldn't a' told him. That stupid look he gave me. I didn't like it. I didn't want it.

"Spot I-"

"I don't need your pity, Kelly." I didn't want him ta finish that sentence. Mark was my brotha and I missed him but I didn't need his apology. It wouldn't bring him back.

I looked back ova' ta the kid on my bunk. He was shakin'. He was probably starved. Couldn't do much fer him there. Fer a minute, I could see Mark layin' there. And when I could see straight again... I don't know what happened. "Just don't let 'em get him back." I could see it in his eyes. No way that kid was eva' goin' back. But I needed ta know fer sure. "I'll let ya stay here tanight if ya let me look out fer him too."

Jack glanced back at the kid. He smiled at the boy before turnin' back ta me and spittin' in his hand. We shook on it.

I left 'em alone afta' that. Jack went back ta holdin' the kid. And the boy relaxed more when Kelly's arms were 'round him. So's I figured I could leave. But Nick was waitin' fer me outside the door.

"You goin' soft on me, Conlon?" He was leanin' 'gainst the wall, smirkin' at me.

"No." I said it quick. I ain't soft. "The kid could die. Ain't no one that heartless. Not even you!"

"Calm down short stack. I ain't here ta judge you." He ruffled my hair but I pushed him away. "Just don't get too close." That was it. Then he walked away.

I couldn't go back down afta' that. The boys wouldn't give me a break afta' they's saw me follow a 'Hattener upstairs. So I went back inside the room.

That's when I saw the little kid squirmin' in his sleep. Jack was dead asleep and T... this kid... he was too small and weak to put up much of a fight against him.

"No... no... per favore... Johnny... non intendo... lasciami andare! Papà! Aiuto! Qualcuno!" I ran ova' ta him. I put my hand ova' his mouth. He musta been havin' a nightmare. I didn't need him screamin' like that. And then his eyes shot open and he looked at me and... he was so scared.

"Hey! Johnny non è qui! Stai bene!" I told him all I could. Johnny, whoeva the bastard was, wasn't there. He was okay. He was safe with us. I wanted ta tell him I would always protect him... but I'm Brooklyn. Brooklyn don't do that kind a' thing.

He blinked at me, like he was tryin' ta figure out why he could undastand me. Then he fell back inta Jack and closed his eyes. "Grazie..."

I was happy when he went ta sleep. He looked so peaceful. He reminded me so much of Mark. The kid... I was gonna help him. I could do it. I would lead Brooklyn and I would protect this kid.

Jack took him the next mornin'. Little guy couldn't barely walk on his own. Jack practically carried him away and the kid let him. And I thought that would be it. Even with that stupid deal I made with Kelly... I's didn't think that kid would live too much longa'. I was wrong.

It was 'bout a week lata' when I's needed away from the olda' boys. I could take 'em any day. They's was just annoyin'. So I figured, what the hell? And I made my way ta 'Hattan.

I walked durin' the day. Nick told me he'd soak me if I tried ta go at night. I wasn't scared a' him, just didn't want him ta waste his energy. I made it ta the house when the sun was settin'.

"Albert! Give Romeo his cap back!"

"Cmon guys, it ain't funny!"

"Hey! Knock it off!"

I ain't neva' seen so much energy just bein' let out like that. So many boys were runnin' around, chasin' each otha'. They's was wrestlin' and playin' with each otha'. But I found Jack. He was sittin' with his crip on the old beat up couch. The kid I was lookin' for wasn't no where in sight.

"What're ya doin' here, Conlon?" Everyone froze at my name. I didn't know why. I's didn't know most a' them. But I's just shrugged 'em off.

"Where's the kid?"

Jack gave me a look. It was like he thought I wouldn't keep the promise I made. I had ta. Couldn't leave that kid ta fend fer hisself. Then he smirked. "Ya mean Racer?"

_Racer?_

Jack stood up and I followed him ta the bunk room. That's where he was. Alone. Up in the bedroom by himself.

"What's he up here for?"

Jack crossed his arms and sighed. "Race got in a fight with the Delanceys taday," he started ta explain. "He's been pickin' fights eva' since. He's a little hot head. Who knew?"

The kid... _Race_ , was sittin' on a bunk. His arms were ova' his little chest. He was breathin' hard, like he was real mad at somethin'. Then he glared at Jack and I smirked. This innocent kid had a temper. I didn't hate it.

"Bastardi stupidi..." I laughed when the kid muttered that.

"Shhh Amico ... qualcuno potrebbe capire quello che dici." His eyes shot up to mine. They lit up when he realized I could undastand him.

Jack looked at me. He was shocked. I just smirked at him and walked ova' ta Race. He uncrossed his arms and didn't fight with me when I sat down, like I'm sure he did when Jack tried.

"Giornata faticosa?" I asked him. He nodded and sniffled. Poor kid was only tryin' ta adjust.

"Non riesco a capire loro... sto cercando... non funziona..." I nodded and slung an arm around him. Kelly stood close by. He watched us.

"Says he don't undastand you's. He's tryin' real hard, Jack. That's why he's so frustrated."

Kelly sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "I'm sorry, Race... I'm tryin' too. So're the boys."

I translated fer him. And Race was real interested in his hands afta' that. He didn't look up at neither a' us.

"Mi dispiace... non so come essere buono... mi dispiace che ero cattivo..." That was when his tears started ta fall.

I looked back up at Jack and the other kid was lookin' at me, so confused. "He said... he said he's sorry."

"Fer what?"

"Fer bein' bad..."

Jack sighed. He saw the tears on the kid's face too and all he could do was pull the kid into a hug. Race cried 'gainst him. He was expectin' a beatin'. I was sure of it. How could someone do somethin' like that to a kid like this?

"Thanks Spot..." Jack whispered ta me.

I smirked and ruffled the kid's hair while he held onta my old pal. "Prego."

I found out lata' why all the boys seemed so scared a' me. Jack had spun anotha' story. And I would owe him fer the rest a' my life. I guess, I would owe the kid too. If that kid hadn't been there, the story woulda neva' been told.

When we grew up, I took ova' Brooklyn and Jack took ova' 'Hattan. I was the most feared kid in New York. Jack was intimidatin', sure, but folks weren't scared a' him. And even though we's became the toughest Newsies eva', there was always a kid that made us feel like normal boys. He made us laugh and he let us talk ta him. He was our best friend. His name was Higgins. Racetrack Higgins. Hey, even the toughest newsies need friends. Even the toughest newsie eva' known needed someone ta complain to and ta mess with. I ain't soft. But I loved Race. And I swore from the day I met him I would protect him.

I always did. Even when he didn't know it.


	3. Race

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted out.

Jack Kelly is my best friend. I don't say it ta his face much, but I love 'im like he's my own brotha'. And he makes a point a' tellin' me that we's family. But I ain't too good at sayin' things like that. He knows I ain't. All the boys do. But I should say it ta him. Because every time I think about that day, I rememba' that I owe him my life. And he don't even care. He just took me in like anotha' one a' his boys.

I rememba' it all too well. Sometimes... okay all the time I really wish I couldn't. But I could. Like I could rememba' so many otha' terrible things happenin' from when I was just a little kid. The screams... the blood... the _pain_. Sometimes I woke up and it still hurt. And Jack would be there tellin' me I's was okay... but I ain't. It hurt. It still does. Things like that don't just go away.

People like Johnny don't never get fergotten.

I was real little when it happened. Four... I think. Maybe even younga'. Who knows? All I know now is that my birthday is the day that Jack brought me back ta the lodge. I never could remember when the damn day actually was. But I knew I's had ta be eight by the time Jack found me. Johnny always told me that, anyways. He told me I was eight so I just went with it.

Somehow, I rememba' everythin' that happened the night it all started. Years n' years ago in an old, run down apartment. I was sittin' on my mamma's lap on a couch that looked like it was 'bout ready ta collapse. My pa was in the kitchen, readin' a pape.

My mamma was smilin' at me. She was pointin' to a picture. An animal. A whole group of them. "Cavalli." _Horses_. She was teachin' me. There were a lot a' animals in that stupid little book. But the way her eyes lit up when she was lookin' at that little horse would always be one a' my favorite memories. Jack says my eyes light up too. When I'm at the races. She always used ta tell me we had the same eyes. I didn't believe her 'till my brotha' pointed it out all those years lata'. I neva' thought no one could have those pretty blue eyes like hers.

It was normal. Least, I thought so. My pa didn't talk ta me much. But my mamma loved me. She always hugged me. God, I miss her hugs. They was the best. Now all I got is Jack's hug. They's the closest I can get.

"Cavalli!" I said that word and she laughed. I was so excited. They was her favorite. And I loved makin' her smile. But that would always be the last one I's got ta see...

They kicked the door in. They's broke the damn thing down! The book fell ta the ground. No one noticed. I could feel my mamma hold onta me tighta' and stand up with me in her arms.

Those men were scary. I was a little kid. That was the first time I eva' saw a gun. The big guys had 'em. Even if I wasn't pint size, they was big. Bigga' than my mamma. And then my papà rushed in and I could see they was bigga' than him too. Stronga' too. A lot stronga'.

We stayed behind my pa. My mamma pushed my head into her shoulder. I could hear her heartbeatin' so fast and so hard. But I didn't do nothin'. I couldn't. I was just a kid.

"Dice, Dice, Dice..." _Dice_. My fatha's nickname. He was a gambla'. Just like me. It's somethin' I can't neva' ferget.

The guy that called him that... he was a guy that would become like the Spida' was ta Jack. And the Spida' was worse than hell fer Jack. "Johnny, what the hell 're ya doin' here?"

I didn't know English. To me it was jist gibberish. None a' it made any sense. But that was first time I's heard that name. _Johnny_. He had black hair and the greyest eyes I has eva' seen. I can still see them when I try to sleep at night. I hate them. They's always was angry with me. Even when I didn't do nothin' wrong.

"Times up, Dice. Pay up or things will start ta get very tough fer you."

Mamma understood a little bit. At least she understood when the guys behind Johnny started ta close in on her. She started ta step away but they just followed her and smirked at her and I just held onta her tight. I shoved my head into her shoulder. I was shakin'. These men... they sounded scary.

"Per favore... my famiglia... my wife... just leave them alone!" My pa was beggin'. I didn't know him much. Neva' did. Mamma was the one to teach me everythin' and play with me when I's was little. He was just... around. But from that day forward, he would only be one thing in my head. The bastard that played a part in ruinin' my life.

"Grab the woman. She comes with us." I rememba' bein' thrown ta the ground. I rememba' her screamin'. My head hit the ground real hard 'fore someone grabbed my hair and pulled me up. It hurt so bad! I tried ta run ta my mamma but they's held me back and tightened a fist in my hair.

"Mamma!" Some men grabbed her.

... I couldn't stop 'em... They's was touchin' her and grabbin' at her and she was... screamin'. Beggin' 'em ta stop. But they wouldn't.

But one a' 'em just stood there. Starin' at _me_. I didn' notice. I was too busy tryin' ta get ta my ma.

"Well, well, well... what do we have here?" And then he kicked me. Real hard. It was hard ta breathe afta' that. And they picked me up so's he could see me. It was the guy with the grey eyes. _Johnny_. He held me tight ta his chest and smiled at me.

I was little. All I knew was that he was bad. And I was scared.

With anotha' glance back at me modda', he held me tighta'. "I'll make ya a deal, Dice..." His breath smelt real bad. Like that stuff my papà would drink afta' a bad day. The stuff that made him angry and yell at Mamma. "You can keep your wench if ya give us this little one instead."

I didn't know what he was sayin'. But it didn't look good. I didn't like the way he looked at me and kept me there like that. I kept tryin' ta get away but he just squeezed me to him. "Lasciami andare!" I didn't know what else I could say.

The guy jist laughed. "Non combattermi, piccola!"

My ma was tryin' ta get ta me. And my papà was thinkin' real hard. I didn't even undastand... I was just a kid. In the Lodge, we call four yea's old a baby. They ain't ready ta be out by 'emselves yet. They's still need someone ta hold their hands and carry 'em up the stairs.

"No!" My ma was screamin', beggin' my papà ta say somethin' or do somethin'. And then Johnny started hummin' in my ear. He started bouncin' like mamma used to. He probably wanted me ta stop fightin' him. An' I did. I didn't know no betta'. Someone was tryin' ta calm me down an' I let 'em. "No! lui è solo un ragazzo!" My head fell onta his shoulda' and I closed my eyes. I was still a baby. I didn't undastand.

The still held onta her. But I was dazed. Didn' know what was goin' on no more. Just that someone was hummin' and rockin' me back n' forth. Then I just started hearin' my mamma screamin' some more and I opened my eyes. That was when I saw him. My papà. He was starin' back at me. But it didn' look like he was sorry.

"Take the boy. Just leave her alone."

And that was it.

My mamma ran fer me but that was the last I eva' saw of her. Someone had a bag. They put me in it. And before I knew it, they was tyin' me in. "Mamma!" I tried ta sit up, but I couldn't. It was too small. I tried ta grab at somethin' but there was nothin' there. I felt like I was suffocatin'.

I don' like small places. They make me feel... trapped. Like I can't breathe. Sometimes Jack's gotta wake me up an' tell me ta breathe. Cause I ain't. Not when I's asleep an' don't know it ain't real.

I cried. No one cared. I was screamin' but no one heard me. I knew I was ova' someone's shoulda'. But I didn't stop screamin'. What did they expect me ta do? Be okay with bein' away from my folks? They's hit the bag and shook it every time I tried ta claw my way out.

I was neva' supposed ta live an actual life. From that day on, I was just their pet. Johnny liked ta call me that. His little _pet_. First night I spent there, I spent it hangin' from that stupid shack ceilin'. They tied the bag up tight and hung it from the ceilin' like a punchin' bag. They pushed me around a little bit. It was scary. They weren't gonna catch me if I fell. But they kept doin' it. And then someone started talkin' ta me.

_Johnny_.

"Benvenuto nella tua nuova casa, pet." Then the door slammed and I was alone. I was all alone in the dark and in the cold.

I was only four years old.

That shack was my home. It wasn't much. I hated the thing. It wus small n' cold and there was some tools in there. Sometimes they's would hit me with 'em. There was a toilet in the corner but that was 'bout it. Not much. What I rememba' the most is the hook on the ceilin'. They's loved that hook. I _hated_ it.

Johnny was the only one that could undastand me. But he sure as hell loved to let me know that I wasn't allowed ta talk. Not even a little. Fer months they kept me in that room. Wouldn't let me go outside fer nothin'. They's brought me food when they thought I needed it and they only washed my clothes every otha' week. I jist hoped that someday they'd just let me out.

Every night they's would get the ropes. It was different almost every night. Sometimes I couldn't move and sometimes I could wiggle around. Sometimes they hung me from the ceilin' and sometimes the tied me ta the floor. But they's didn' want me tryin' ta leave.

I didn' know what they wanted from me till a few months in.

"Get ova' here, boy!" I flinched when Johnny screamed at me like that. I wasn't even cut free. I think that night they just tied my hands around something so's I couldn't bring 'em in fronna me. Alls I could do was slide down and sit until they came and untied me. But when they freed me that day, I had no idea they's would be lettin' me outside fer the first time since they took me.

I didn' even hafta' run ova' ta Johnny. One a' his guys grabbed my ear and walked me there hisself. I think I screamed. Maybe that's why Johnny slapped me. "Sta 'zitto!" he scolded. Then he grabbed my hands and pulled me to him. I didn' like ta be so close ta him. He always smelled real bad. But he didn't care. Just held me still. I didn't move. I was too scared. Too little.

"Aiuto." I was confused. I didn't know what he meant. He just said the word and then stopped. He wasn't askin' me fer help. I didn't know what ta do. Apparently, he was jist waitin' fer me ta process. "Help."

I stood there. I didn' know what he wanted! All this guy did was yell at me. For the past few months I wasn't allowed ta speak or look at 'im wrong. Else he'd smack me 'round. They didn't let me eat much eitha'. I think they's gave me their scraps. On a good night, they's would give me a whole slice a' bread. So I didn' say nothin'. He didn't like that.

I rememba' cryin' out when he backhanded me across the cheek. "Dillo! Help!" I flinched when he yelled at me. And the man behind me grabbed my hair so's I couldn't turn away.

"H... help..." I repeated. _Aiuto... help_.

Johnny smiled at me. Grinned that stupid grin that I can still see when I try ta sleep at night.

If I didn't have Jack, I would neva' get through a night. Sometimes, I can't move. I feel like Johnny's there, starin' at me, waitin' so's he can take me back and... I start hittin' on the ceilin'. Jack's there 'fore I know it, tellin' me I's okay. Crutchie ain't neva' far behind him, neither.

But back then, I didn' have m'brothers. I was all alone and Johnny did what he wanted cause ain't no one there was dumb 'nough ta try an' stop him.

I waited for more. It came. "Per favore. Please."

"Pl... please?" _Per favore... please_.

It's how I learned English. Or... at least... some English. Jack and Spot taught me how ta speak English lata'.

_Spot_. He's one a' me best friends too. Taught me a lot 'bout things. Sees somethin' in me I guess. He ain't so nice ta no one else. I's glad he took a likin' ta me. Got me outta lots a' messy situations before. Gets me off the streets when me n' Jack fight. Much as I love Jack... brotha's fight...

Johnny kept on goin'. Sayin' things an' tellin' me ta say 'em back. I made sure ta say 'em all right the first time. I was scared that if I didn', he would hit me 'gain. I was four. Maybe five by then. But it took me a long time to know that he wus teachin' me how ta beg in English.

_Aiuto... help..._

_Per favore... please..._

_Affamato... hungry..._

_Freddo... cold..._

The list went on, but not fer long. I wasn't exactly no genius. Couldn't even barely hold a sentence. But next thing I's know, 'm outside. The sun was bright. Could barely see cause my eyes couldn't take it at first. But I didn't care none. Cause at least I was outside. At least I was outta that Godawful room. At least they let me _out_.

But they didn' exactly let me go.

Johnny didn' tell me much. Just ta make some money. I didn't know what ta do. He told me that when they asked if I had parents ta shake my head. And then when they talked about... about the _Refuge_ , ta run... but not too far. I could neva' go real far. They was watchin' me. They sat in stores and restaurants so's they could watch me.

I tried ta get away. They's let me outside. The second they's let go'a my arm... I took off runnin'.

Johnny was waitin' for me down the block.

I did what they told me. I tugged on women's coats and begged on my knees at men's feet. All I could do was hope they wouldn't kick me. I used the only English words I knew. I cried in Italian. I did anything I could fer a few extra coins.

I was damn good at what I did. Got so much change I coulda bought Jack ten tickets ta Santa Fe. Folks could hardly resist a five year ol' kid who could barely speak English. What they didn' know was what I was really sayin'. They didn' know I was beggin' 'em fer help. They's didn' know I just wanted out a' there. But they gave me their loose pennies. And when the sun started goin' down, one a' Johnny's boys would pick me up and take those pennies right outta my pockets. I cried. I screamed. Told 'em ta let me go. And then they's would tell Johnny my every move that day. What I did, what I said, who I's talked to. An' if Johnny didn't like it...

It was bad.

I couldn't move the mornin' afta'. Could hardly speak neitha'. But Johnny didn't care none. He's would jist untie me and make me do it all again. Everyday. All day. That was it. And it only got worse.

The months went on and Johnny got meana'. I don' know how. But he did. That shack... my home... he didn' shove me there all the time no more. No.. he... uhm... he let me inta their house.

Johnny was... evil. He was worse than anyone I eva' met. The things he would make people do in that house... let's just say once you's see 'em, ya can't forget 'em. And I can't forget 'em. I can't forget the screams or the cries or the _pain_. But when I had nightmares back then about those things, the only thing I would get was the guy who put 'em in my head comin' ta "teach me a lesson."

His lessons _hurt_. And they only got harda'. He told me I couldn't scream or talk. Not when he was there ta hear it. And definitely not when anyone else could. I couldn't wake the neighbors with noise.

The name Johnny makes me feel sick. I can't hear the name without almost breakin' down inta tears or gaggin' on whateva' food I's had. I _hate_ that name. He didn't just beat me. He said things. He _did_ things. He was a monsta'. I saw murders happen right in fronta me. I saw woman forced into bed and I wasn't allowed outta the room. I saw so many things and it was all because of _Johnny_.

I neva' knew why they's started lettin' me in the house, neitha'. They's just liked ta see me scared, I guess. Liked ta let me know who was in charge. Then, at the end of the night, when I was already fallin' asleep on the ground... they's would grab my arm and tie me up in my little house all ova' again

I hated that stupid shack.

I grew up there. Four years, I think. That's what Johnny tol' me. I think I was six when I saw 'im again.

My papà.

I rememba' wakin' up once. My hands was tied in fronna me and my ankles were tied to the floor. An' there he was. Sittin' there and starin' at me. Like he wus tryin'a rememba' who I was. I hardly recanized him. I wus so little when I was taken, the only face I could always rememba' wus me modda's. But then he said it. "Anthony?"

I blinked. I don' think a single emotion crossed my face. I just stared at 'im. And he played with my hair.

Jack plays with my hair a lot too. But when he does it, it normally calms me down.

He just kept tryin' ta get me ta talk ta him. But even though I's was so little, I could rememba' him givin' me away. I could rememba' him barely thinkin' bout it. And I didn' wanna see him.

"Time ta get up, _boy_." That was a voice I knew. I shivered at it. I hated his voice. And they was kickin' me an' beatin' me before I knew it. An' my pa was tryin' ta get 'em ta stop. They didn't. And then they took the ropes off and shoved me ta Jobnny. "Time fer work, kid."

My fatha' came round afta' that. Didn' know what he wus doin'. Probably tryin' ta pay off anotha' debt. But he got less an' less interested in me and more and more interested in money. So's he didn' stay when they hit me or touched me the wrong way when they's got drunk. Just looked the otha' way, mostly. Papà neva' stayed when I wus hurt.

I needed outta there. Not much changed from then on. If I's didn't get enough money, I didn't eat. When I tried ta ask fer help, I got beat. When I tried ta run, it was a mess of a nightmare that had become my life. And even when I was so little, I couldn't see an end to it. Not until... I met them.

The newsies.

I was eight. Johnny had his men take me somewhere different. I's had seen 'em round town my whole life. But I neva' talked ta 'em. Not till they took me ova' ta a place called "Newsies Square." I was there fer a few months 'fore they's started ta notice me.

It was when that boy with the limp started talkin' ta me that I knew I was in trouble. They was watchin' me. And they didn't let me talk ta otha' kids.

The kid started talkin' ta me and all I can rememba' was how he sounded so happy. I didn't know what he was sayin'. Johnny neva' bothered ta teach me more English than I needed. I could pick out a few words, here and there. But I couldn't fully understand it. He didn' even seem ta notice. The only thing I could get from the talk was, "I'm Crutchie! I'm a newsie!"

I didn' respond. I looked 'round n' I saw one a' Johnny's men glarin' at me from inside some cushy restaurant. So's I bit my lip and found my next target quick. But the kid grabbed my arm and held me still. He was younga' than me, I could tell. But I was smalla' than him. He could hold onta me, easy. That was when I's tried ta rememba' when wus the last time I ate somethin'.

"Hey! Where're ya goin'?" I was terrified. But... this kid... I wanted ta talk ta him. He seemed nice. An'... he smiled at me. He made me feel... important for a second. "I can take ta back ta the boys! You can meet 'em! Jack will teach ya ta sell an' everythin'." Then he launched hisself into a rant. Told me all the boys' names. And I realized I liked hearin' him talk. Stupid kid...

_Smart_ kid. The only one to notice I needed some kind of help.

But it couldn't last foreva'. Eventually, I snuck away. I had ta watch the kid look fer me. I ain't seen that before. Neva'. No one eva' noticed when I left. But he did. He started callin' out. "Hey kid! Where'd ya go?!" I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

"Mi dispiace..."

Lata' was hell. Johnny found out about the one-sided conversation I had with a boy 'round my age. Not ta mention the complete lack of cash I had. I tried ta tell 'em it wasn't my fault. That I's tried! But Johnny didn't wanna listen. Johnny neva' listened. He just hit. He hit and kicked and took my shirt and threw me against the wall.

It was freezin'. And Johnny knew that. But he didn't care.

"You pathetic little thing..."

He grabbed me by the hair. Right where they hit a bottle ova' my head. They's tied me up tight. My hands was ova' my head and my feet could hardly touch the ground. It _hurt_. And Johnny knew it. "Per favore, Johnny... fa male... per favore..." I musta been sobbin' by then. I was in pain.

"See you later, pet." That sentence made me shiver. The accent only made it worse. I hated it when he said things like that. Because it meant he was comin' back 'fore the end of the night.

I cried. I begged. But Johnny just wrapped a cloth around my head, in my mouth. I couldn't call fer help. I was so... _trapped_.

That was a night that would be engraved in my mind for the rest of my life. I's had been with Johnny and his crew fer four years. The worst four years of my life. Four years of neva' doin' nothin' right, even when I tried my hardest. Four years alone with no one ta count on but me.

But that was the night I met him. Jack Kelly. My best friend. My brotha'.

I let myself hang from the ceiling of my shack. It was hopeless. I was neva' gettin' out. My pop sold me away and I could neva' get out. So I let my eyes close. There was no use in fightin' it anymore. But, lucky for me, I couldn't keep from makin' the noises. God, it hurt so bad.

I didn't hear the door open. I musta passed out at some point. But I felt someone touchin' my chest. And my eyes opened up real quick. Johnny hated waitin'.

But Johnny wasn't there... it was another boy. He had a newsboy cap on his head and real nice green eyes. He was a newsie. He had ta be. And I started panickin'.

I kicked and struggled best I could, but I hadn't eaten in so long that my body didn' do what I wanted no more. I was stuck. And when he took that stupid gag outta my mouth all's I could do was warn him. "Uscire da qui ora, o ti prenderanno anche voi!" They's would get him. I knew they would. They was evil! And this boy didn't deserve this. No one did.

He grabbed my face. Both a' his hands was on my cheeks. But it wasn't like when Johnny did it. Johnny did it when he was angry and I couldn't look at him. This boy... he wasn't like that. He had a smile on his face. He was there ta help. But he couldn't be... I had ta warn him! "Sh! Kid, calm down!" I didn't know what he was sayin'. I wanted to but I didn't. I just kept fightin'. He had ta get outta there before Johnny came back. If Johnny found him then- "Hey! I'm gonna help ya! I'm gettin' ya outta here!"

I froze. There was a word I understood. One I's dreamed of hearin' since day one. "O... out?" I winced at the sound a' my own voice. It hurt ta talk. I been screamin' too much. But I didn't care.

"Yeah, kid... I'm gettin' ya out." It was the greatest sentence I'd eva' heard and I could only undastand one word. _Out_.

The boy ran across the room ta the table. Johnny liked ta use the things on it a lot. He liked hearin' me scream. Told me all the time. But he made sure ta not do anythin' permanent. I was his best money maka'.

The boy grabbed a knife. Then he ran back up ta me and sliced through the ropes. I tried ta stand, but my legs was shakin' too much. I expected ta hit the ground. No one eva' cared enough ta catch me. But... I neva' did hit the floor. 'Stead... someone let me rest on their chest. N' a feelin' I didn't know started takin' ova'. I was cryin' again.

I don't do that much no more. _Cryin'_. But... back then? It was all I could do.

"Th-thank... you..." I don't even know how I could form words at that point. I hoped those were the right ones. I's had heard 'em a few times. They sounded right ta me.

The kid tried ta ask me question. How I got there, why I was so hurt. I couldn't understand him. So I didn't answer. I just grabbed onta his shirt. I... I didn't want him ta leave. Fer some reason, I felt somethin' around this boy. _Safe_. A word I's've neva' used in my life till that night.

"C'mon, kid." I gasped when he picked me up. But I soon found, I liked the embrace. And all I could do was cry. Then he said something else. But only a few words made sense. "Home... food and wata'... gonna be okay." And those were the only words I needed ta hear. The rest of his sentence be damned.

From the very beginning, I knew Jack Kelly was fearless. Even with the stupid smirk he had on all the time. Don't let him tell ya I got it from him. I don't act nothin' like Jack. But anyways, he was ready ta just take me away. Like it could eva' be that simple.

"What's this?" I didn't know I could eva' be so scared. But I was little. And I _hated_ that voice. "What the hell do ya think you're doin'?"

"Johnny...?" I wanted ta get away. I wanted ta get the otha' kid away. Johnny wus already mad at me. I didn' wan' it ta get worse. "J-Johnny... mmh... I didn't mean ta-" It wus hard ta think a' the words. I didn' even know if those were the right ones.

"What did I tell ya about talkin', Higgins?!" I think I flinched. Maybe cried some more when he lifted up his fist. I already hurt. I was so scared a' him hittin' me again.

"Per favore! Per favore! Non farlo! Non di nuovo!" I just wanted out. I wanted away from him. But when I fought, it just hurt worse.

Johnny started walkin' up ta us. I tried ta jump away 'fore I realized the kid was holdin' onta me tighta'. So I hid my face in his chest and tried to make it all go away. Johnny started talkin'. I covered my ears. I didn' wanna hear it. I hate his voice.

I could feel the boy talkin', but I's didn' wanna take my hands away from my ears. I could even feel his heart beatin' with my head 'gaist his chest. Fer some reason I didn' wan' him ta let go. I ain' neva' thought I could feel okay with someone holdin' me like that. But I didn' wan' him ta let go. N' he didn'.

"Don't matta'. He belongs ta me and my crew. Our best money maka'. Tells a hell of a story." That's what I heard when I felt brave 'nough ta let up 'n my ears. I didn' like it. I didn' know what he wus sayin', but I knew it wasn't good. Not when the boy looked down at me like he did.

"Not anymore." I stared at him. I wus so scared. I didn't wanna get beat again. I didn't want Johnny ta tie me up again. I didn't wanna be freezin' an' starvin' an' alone no more. It wus hard. This kid... he wus my only chance.

Afta' that, he started talkin' bout someone. Someone that would come afta' Johnny and his pals. _Spot Conlon_. I didn' know what he wus sayin', but by the look on Johnny's face afta'... it wasn't good.

"Ya know why they's named him Spot?" I held onta the boy tighta' with my hands. Felt like ice. It was so cold... "He don't eva' miss."

Next thing I know, we's bookin' it outta there. _Fast_. An' before I could think, I was away from Johnny. _Away_. How could itta been that simple?

It was cold out, I 'memba' that jist perfect. I's was half naked an' I tried ta snuggle closa' ta my savior but it didn' do much. It wus still cold. My head was heavy. It hurt so damn bad. I had one hell of a headache that night. N' my little body didn't wanna take the cold along with all the otha' pain it was carryin' too. Alls I could do was lay down on his shoulda' and hope he didn' mind.

Then he started talkin'. "Ya got a name, kid?"

I froze. I bet my eyes went wide too. What could I say? I rememba' tryin' ta figure out what the words meant.

_Name... name... nome?_

"I'm Jack. Jack Kelly." He was smilin' at me. I ain't neva' had no one talkin' so nice ta me. Least I could do was try an' talk back ta him.

"J-Jack?" Outta all a' those words... I wanned ta know what that one was. Fer some reason... I liked it. It made me feel... _safe_. N' the boy nodded.

"Me name," he said, that smile neva' leavin' his face. "Jack."

_Nome... Jack._ That's what he wus called. _Jack_.

"J... Ja-ck..." I sounded it out. I liked that word. N' when the boy... _Jack_ , smiled at me, it felt right.

"That's right, kid." I didn' know what 'e said, but alls I could do wus grin back. Now I had somethin' ta call him. Now I knew who he wus. Jack. The boy who saved me. It wus only fair ta tell him my name too. So's I pointed ta myself.

"N-name," I tried out in English, "Tony."

"Tony. Tony Higgins." I liked the way he smiled at me. An'... his green eyes made me feel betta'.

They still do. Afta' all these years, Jack Kelly still knows how ta calm me down and bring me back ta earth.

Afta' that, I don't 'memba much a' what happened. I musta tried ta talk ta him, but we couldn't undastand each otha' too well. I wanted ta know where we wus goin', but askin' wus hard. I didn' know the right words. It's a good thing we wus goin' where we wus goin' though... 'cause I needed ta get somewhere warma' real bad.

When we got where we wus goin' all I can rememba' seein' wus a lot a' eyes turnin' fer us. Jack didn' seem ta care. But I wanted ta hide. "The hell is this, Kelly?" someone growled out. I flinched. But nothin' else wus said 'fore Jack was carryin' me outta the room.

I guess we went up ta the bunk room. An' Jack tried ta out me down. I didn' know where we were or why he tried ta do that. All I knew wus that I felt safe n' he wus about ta take the safe away. I didn't like it. "No! Please!"

If there was one thing I knew how ta do in English, it wus beg.

My head started poundin' some more afta' that. Jack wus talkin', but I couldn't listen too well right then. An' the otha' kid... Spot. Spot Conlon. He wus talkin' too. But I gave up tryin' ta translate. Everythin' hurt too bad. I just started noddin' off, completely zonin' out. That's really when I noticed my whole body hurt. I couldn't even move by myself. So's it wus a good thing I had Jack holdin' onta me.

He started walkin' again. I grabbed onta his shirt ta make sure he wouldn't try an' make me walk by myself. I don' think I was holdin' I'm very tight, but it wus all I's could manage. N' he sat down, knowin' betta' than ta let me sit on my own, puttin' me on his lap. N' the secon' I tried ta look up, I looked back down. I ain' neva' gonna tell Spot Conlon that he wus scary the first time I saw 'im. But... ta a little kid who ain't hardly been around boys 'is age... damn he was big. Maybe not fer Jack. But I wasn't Jack.

"Do ya want a shirt, kid?"

I looked up at him the second I knew he wus talkin' ta me. But my face was blank. Er... as blank as it could be. I was still pretty scared a' anything I didn't know. The world outside that shack wus different. It was scary. "Sh... shir...?" I tried ta repeat what he said. I didn' know what he was talkin' bout. The word sounded somewhat familia'.

I gasped when he grabbed onta my hand. But I didn' pull away. After all, wheneva' I pulled away from Johnny the beatin' only got worse. But he didn't hit me fer bein' wrong. He took my hand ta his chest and let me grab onta his shirt. "Sh-ir-t." He was soundin' it out fer me. But... I didn' know if he actually wanted me ta say it back. So's I started ta make some kinda sound. If his hand went up I would stop. But... it didn't. So's I looked up at him and slowly started ballin' up the fabric in my tiny hand.

"Sh... shir-t..."

The scary boy smiled at me. Afta' that... he wasn't so scary no more. "Not bad, kid." He ruffled my hair and I laughed. He wasn't mad at me. I could talk and I wasn't punished fer that. It had been a long time since I's could do that. "I'll go getcha one."

Jack wus still holdin' me. I was happy he did. An' I's looked down ta see what the other boy wus talkin' bout. I didn't have a shirt. He musta been gettin' me one, but I could only undastand the one word. That's when I saw them.

There was so many. An' they were _big_. I think I wus still bleeding in some places. N' it all hurt real bad. But one stood out ta me the most. It hurt when I touched it. God, it was so much bigga' than my hand. It spread 'cross my whole shoulda'. That wus one Johnny had left. No doubt about it. "Ero cattivo... b-bad..." I didn' look up at Jack. But he was quiet... like he wanted me ta keep goin'. Like he wanted ta undastand. So I did. "Non abbastanza... n-not... e... e..." _What was the woid?_ "Enough."

When I did look up at Jack, he seemed surprised. I didn' undastand that. I's had been taught my whole life that if I didn' bring back money, I wasn't worth nothin'. But I didn' have time ta try an' ask Jack what wus wrong before the otha' boy came back. They's both helped me slide inta a shirt. Too big fer me then, I think. But it wus warm. So I didn't care.

"This was my first one..." I stopped admirin' the shirt when the boy started talkin'. N' I saw a hat in his hand. One that looked like his and Jack's. "I figure ya need it more than I do..." Didn' undastand a word. But I kept starin' at that cap until he was reachin' up ta put it on my head. I almost tried ta duck outta the touch. But I stopped myself. They hadn't tried ta hurt me yet. So's I leaned back inta Jack and stared at the other boy. _Spot_. "You's a newsie now, kid. Ya need ta look like one."

My whole face lit up at that word. I _knew_ that word. "Newsie?" Jack knocked the cap ova' my eyes. Back then it was a ways a sayin' welcome ta the family. Now it's his way a' sayin' _"I love you..._ ". I love it when he does that, even if I do complain about it.

"That's right, pal," he said. An' I laughed while I took off the hat an' looked at it, recallin' how many times i's had seen these kinda hats.

"Proprio come... Crutch... Crutchie? Specs?... mmh... Al... Albert?" I tried ta rememba' all their names. I hoped I got 'em right. I's has seen 'em. I just wished I coulda talked to 'em sooner. But Jack looked shocked.

"Those... those are my friends... ya know 'em?" I wish.

"Uhm... sees 'em. Them... them h-happy. A volte... them try ta... talk ta me..." I tried to explain. Wus he mad at me? "I... not allowed... La gente avrebbe trovato Johnny... couldn't do it..." I didn' want Jack ta get mad. I wanted him ta undastand. I wished I could undastand him. But alls I could do wus look down at my hands an' wait fer the slap ta come.

"Well you ain't there anymore." Spot ruffled my hair and I looked up at him ta find... a smile. It fell fer a second, afta' he pulled away an' saw... an' saw the blood. But he didn't look angry. "Do ya undastand? You ain't gettin' taken back there. You's a newsie now."

I squinted my eyes at the boy. He couldn't be serious. He really wasn't gonna hit me? There was a word fer that right? "P... per... pertect?"

Jack held me tighta' when I said that. "Yeah kid... no ones gonna hurt ya no more." That's all I memba' 'fore everythin' started gettin' blurry. I wus so tired. So's I let my head fall back on Jack. N' I fell asleep.

I wish I coulda stayed awake.

"No... no... per favore... Johnny... non intendo... lasciami..." I could see him in there. He was right in fronna me. I just wanted him ta go away. I think he had a knife that time. Who knows? I ain't gone a week without havin' a dream like that. Not in years.

But someone put a hand ova' my mouth. An' it wasn't Johnny. I vaguely rememba' someone talkin' ta me in a language I could undastand. But I was asleep 'fore I could know who it wus.

The next mornin', Jack took me back ta the place I would get ta call home for the next ten years or so. I's tried ta walk myself but it wasn't long before I wus up on Jack's back. I didn' mind at the time. I wus little. Who would care?

Then somethin' happened. We passed by those racetracks. An' I saw it. "Cavalli!" I pointed at it. God, she was beautiful. I had ta show Jack. He had ta see her. Jack smiled at me when he saw what I was so excited about. An' he let me watch the race. The horse I showed 'im was the first ta cross the finish line. I didn't see the way Jack looked at me. But he had ta be pretty shocked.

"Tony... ya want a newsie name?" Guess I wus pretty excited, cause I just nodded my head real fast without a care in the world. "I's'll call ya Racetrack. Race fer short." At first I had no idea what that meant. But then he pointed to the tracks. And I looked ova' there an' smiled.

"R... Racer... Race... track?" I looked back at him ta see if I's said it right. He jist smiled at me.

"That's right. Its you's new name. A newsie name. Racetrack Higgins." I grinned.

"Race..." I like the way that sounded. No more flinchin' at the sound a' my own name. I wasn't with Johnny no more. I was someone different. With different people.

_Brothas_.

Alls I could do wus run up ta Jack and hug him as tight as I could.

'Ventually, he got me home. I wus up on his back. I liked it up there. Made me feel bigga' than I wus. But I wanted down when we's walked in an' everyone started starin' at me. There wasn't a sound. Just so many eyes I could hardly think. Someone ran up ta hug Jack but afta' that, the shoutin' started and I hid my face in Jack's shoulda', beggin' him ta make it stop. I didn' last too long. An' when I looked up who eva' was shoutin' was lookin' at me.

"Who's this?" I held on tighta'. But Jack didn' seem scared none.

"It's Racetrack. He's our newest newsie now!" Jack announced. But someone ran up an' shook his head, standin' next ta the otha' boy who hugged Jack. That wus when I noticed he looked real familia'.

_Crutchie_.

"Hey! That's the kid who steals all ours customers." That one had red hair. I could see it a mile away. It wus so bright.

I musta been shakin' at that point. All I know is people started askin' more questions. I didn't like 'em. I didn't know what they meant. So's I just held onta Jack and tried ta hide.

But then Jack put me down. An' I did my best ta hold onta him fer protection, but the biggest boy there, the leada', bent down ta me. Only thing keepin' me still were Jack's arms 'round me. "Well Racer, welcome ta 'Hattan." I flinched when he spit in his hand and held it out ta me. But Jack didn't step out in fronna me. "It's okay, pal. I ain't gonna hurt ya." Still, I was scared. "It's okay, kid... é sicuro." My eyes widened.

_Sicuro... safe._

I let my grip up a little on Jack. "Sicuro?"

The older boy nodded. "Yeah, kid, safe. It's _safe_."

I looked down at the hand again. It hadn' moved. An' the otha' boy didn't look like he wanted ta hurt me. So I spit in my hand an' shook the one in fronna me.

The smiles and cheers were enough ta tell me I wus home.

But it wasn't even a few days 'fore some idiots tried ta make sure I knew my place 'round there.

"Well, well, what have we here?" It wus my first day sellin'. Sparks said I was strong enough ta go out by then. So's I was. But no one warned me 'bout _them_. "Where'd ya pick up this one, Kelly? The sewers?" I still didn' speak their language so well. But by the way they's looked at me, it couldn't a' been nice. And Jack grabbed ahold a' me, tryin' ta put himself between us.

"Leave him alone, Delancey. 'E ain't done nothin' to ya." Jack put some coins down on the table. "Eighty papes."

It didn't stop there though. Cause once Jack made me a bag for my papes, they wus on our tail.

They's started it!

Once they started pushin' Jack around, I couldn't stop myself. I pounded on 'em. Lucky and _unlucky_ fer me, Sparks was on the next block. I only sold a few papes before Sparks wus carryin' me back ta the Lodge.

I sat up on my bunk fer the rest of the day. Jack tried ta talk ta me... I think. So did otha' kids. But I growled at them every time they's tried ta talk ta me. I was just angry. An' they couldn't undastand that when they talked ta me... I just wanted ta know what they was sayin'. An' I didn' know how else ta react when someone tried ta hurt Jack. After all... he saved my life.

Then, someone else came up

"What's he up here for?" I looked away from the door. _Great. Anotha' person who I can't undastand._ Jack said somethin' back. But I didn't care. I stopped listenin'.

"Bastardi stupidi..." I growled out, referring to the bastard who put me in such a bad mood.

"Shhh Amico ... qualcuno potrebbe capire quello che dici." My eyes shot up. I had ta try and keep a smile down. Spot _Conlon_ wus talkin' ta _me_ in _Italian_. More than that. He came and sat down with me. An' I didn't stop him. "Giornata faticosa?"

I nodded an' bit my cheek. I didn't wanna cry no more. "Non riesco a capire loro... sto cercando... non funziona..." I tried ta not get too comfortable when he put an arm around my shouldas. But I liked it.

I think Spot started translatin' for me. Because suddenly, Jack sighed and sat on the bed, looking softa' than he did before. N' he started talkin' before Spot translated fer him. Jack was sayin' he was sorry. That he wus tryin'. But I knew that wasn't it. I knew what wus comin'. Maybe I was just mad cause I was pretendin' I wasn't scared outta my mind.

"Mi dispiace... non so come essere buono... mi dispiace che ero cattivo..."

When Spot translated that... Jack looked like his heart just broke. N' before I knew it, I wus sobbin' against his chest. Spot was rufflin' my hair. I felt _safe_.

I was home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what you'd change or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Love ya, fansies! Thanks for seeing this one through till the end!

**Author's Note:**

> Translations: (just in case you wanna know what Race was trying ta say.) (Also, sorry to everyone who speaks Italian... I used google translate :))
> 
> Uscire da qui ora, o ti prenderanno anche voi!- Get out of here now, or they'll take you too!
> 
> Per favore! Per favore! Non farlo! Non di nuovo!- Please! Please! Do not do it! Not again!
> 
> Dove stiamo andan- Where are we going?
> 
> Ero cattivo- I was bad.
> 
> Non abbastanza- Not enough.
> 
> Proprio come- Just like
> 
> A volte- Sometimes
> 
> La gente avrebbe trovato Johnny- People would find Johnny
> 
> Cavalli- Horse!
> 
> é sicuro- It's safe
> 
> As always, thanks for reading! Make sure to tell me what you liked, what you didn't, what you'd change or what you'd improve by leaving me a review! Love ya babes! ;)


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